New Morning, A New Day

I think I have arthritis. My fingers started hurting like crazy (the joints) 2-3 days before it rained [today]. I pop my fingers regularly and I'm sure that doesn't help much. I can't wait for the day to end. I want to go home. I want to take a nap, too. Maybe before I leave work, I can take a cat nap. Need to pay the baby sitter today.

Now I know being a new mom, almost everything would seem to be blown out of proportion when it comes to your first child. I'd like to think I'm not one of those parents and that I'm realistic. Here's what got me thinking about it. Yesterday, I picked up Belladonna early from the sitter. She had thrown up during her nap and wasn't going back down. She would also be fine one minute, crying the next. I noticed a runny nose dropping her off that morning; she was licking the snot from her upper lip! Ewww.. gross! Anyway, I figured she just has a cold, so after getting home, gave her some Tylenol, a bottle and put her down to finish her nap (slept for about an hour and a half). The whole time she slept, I kept wondering, "Is she okay?" I wasn't going to take her to the hospital unless there was a temperature; the sitter did that and said there was none. I was checking on Bella more often than normal yesterday. With it being cold season and nearing the end of...

A friend of mine left a comment on a recent blog saying that it's no wonder I haven't broken down yet. She said that I've been through a lot lately. This could be true (I'm not discrediting her) but I see it as me just living my life, dealing and handling what's been given to me. I know that the people who count have the faith in me that I need. When I was in boot camp, I was being strong for all those girls who were away from their families for the first time. They'd cry and sob and cry some more, everyday wondering if they'd made the right choice. Every time, I was there, helping them through it. I'd been away from my family before (five months after graduation) and was just fine then. I didn't cry during those five months. I suppose, while in boot camp, when I thought it was safe, I broke down a bit and cried; I missed my mother and my friends. I was actually really fucking disappointed that they didn't write as often as they said they would. ...

...about Christmas music that makes some depressed and sad? I was listening to Bing Crosby this morning and The Carpenters, and started getting really sad. One would say, "Well, then don't listen to Christmas music if it gets you sad and stuff." Good point, but I seem to be a glutton for punishment, and pick up more and more Christmas music every year (so far, a favorite is NSYNC's Christmas album, followed by Mariah Carey and 98 Degrees [yup, they did one too] but Jewel not so much). I digress. Thanksgiving was nice yesterday. We picked up my buddy Mike (friend since 6th grade!) on the way to Amber's. There were two turkeys (a ten and a fifteen pounder) to be deep fried, a yummy carrot and Velveeta cheese casserole, mashed potatoes, stuffing, dinner rolls, cornbread muffins, sweet potato pie. Good stuff. They put out a good spread. :) Bella wouldn't stop walking yesterday. It was too cool. She was getting into everything, but again, it was too cute. I could c...

I know that I'm in no way ready for another one, as Bella is a big enough handfull, but I miss being pregnant. It was such a wonderful time in my life. I looked great, felt great (most of the time, anyway). I miss watching my belly grow with a baby in it. I miss feeling said baby moving around inside. There are at least five women I know of who are pregnant, and I think it's safe to say I'm kind of envious. I know those who read this may think, "Are you sure you don't want another one really soon?" The answer is yes. I don't want another baby until Bella can use the potty all by herself; I don't want two in diapers, if I can help it. I say "symptom" in the title, because, well, I'm not feeling myself. I'm sure I've posted about it somewhere. I'll copy and paste. Just needing a little help here deciphering some symptoms.. gradually building up over the last few weeks. You know how everyone has their mopey days and days of just ...

Belladonna took four steps night before last! Yay Baby Bella!!

This is largely taken from a journal I posted elsewhere. Comments are welcome at either location. I do owe an apology, I think. In an attempt to open the minds of those who have theirs closed, I got heated and upset; mostly because they had no desire to open their minds and accept that not everything is bad or evil when concerning those not of their faith (Christianity, as a whole). I don't want to be saved and I don't need to heard the word. I was an Episcopalian for ten years. I know the word and know it well; I know it well enough to realize that it's not for me. If I've offended you, I do apologize, as it was not my intention. I don't like backing down from things now that I've grown a spine (it's taken years for this, mind you) and learned that I can voice my opinion. Had I done this several years ago, I would have cried the second someone told me off. Yet, I almost feel wrong apologizing. I voiced my opinion on things (which we're all entitled to) ...

Grampa is going in for surgery on kidney stones tomorrow. My stepmom said he is in good spirits.

I didn't have this blog then, so those who do read this blog may have no idea. In June 2004, my grandmother (favorite mind you) passed away. It hit hard and I still want to cry about it every now and again (particularly, that month). We really didn't expect my grandfather to live much longer after her passing, but he has. As I said to my mother this morning, "He's a stubborn, ol' coot." And he is. He is resiliant. He's also in the hospital for his liver (I think; it may have been kidneys.. I think it's the kidneys). No idea how serious it is. My step-Mom sent an email to my Mom, in response to my mother's daily meditation emails, letting her know what's going on. I don't know what to do. If he leaves us, I have no way to get back there. I want to bring Patrick and Belladonna with me. I want to see my grandmother again. The last time I really thought about her was April 2005; when Patrick and I got married. We received a card in the mail fro...

I dropped Bella off with a new sitter this morning. I'd met her before at a Mom's Night Out function. It was easier doing this when she was smaller. I was there with her for a couple of minutes, to let the sitter (who has a 14/15 month old of her own, little boy) know about Baby Bella and I brought in a few blankets from the car that smell like home. She was just fine playing with the balls that go with the Fisher-Price green dinosaur thing (you might know it if you saw it), and she started crawling around, exploring. I gave her lovin's and kisses, saying, "Being a good girl, Bella." I'd hate for her to not to be herself; she's such a happy baby! Triana, Alyssa, Narn and Shen can attest to this! It looked like she was having a good time. And then Mommy pulls away. Bella gets this confused look on her face; then it looks like she's going to cry, as if to say, "Mommy, where you going?!" It was heartbreaking. Maybe we should have gone over there...

I took my second-to-last test for my Principles of Business Management class (not counting the course survey) yesterday. Tallied them up and my overall grade so far in this class is a 77.2%. Introduction to Marketing is 78%. Overall, it looks like I have a high C for both classes. The next one is College Algebra... not so sure about that one. I'll take as long as I need to for that class; I can't continue on until that course is completed as it's a pre-requisite for the class after it. Triana and Alyssa came down from Long Beach today. Alyssa wants to get her dress blues uniform together for the holiday next Sunday. Patrick took them down there, so I'm home with the kids for time being. When they get back, he and Jeffrey will go up to Victorville so Jeffrey can go home. While they're gone, I guess Alyssa and Triana were wanting to take me out to dinner. This is super! Patrick just needs to put Bella's car seat in Alyssa's car, since I'm not sure how he p...