New Morning, A New Day

I wanted to change the template and background image a little bit.  I wanted it to emulate what my headline and tagline say.  I think I've done that. I also want to say Happy New Year to those subscribed to my blog.  My husband and I are spending the eve watching a Ghost Adventures marathon on the Travel Channel.  Bella is watching movies in our room.  Mom is away for the night; I hope she has a wonderful time.

My goals for the new year are: Go back to school for a Criminal Justice degree Find a job Buy a house Make the birthdays for the kids good birthdays Make Christmas for the kids a good one Become financially stable I can only hope this can happen.  I'm hopeful.

It's about the conversations with an old relationship. I know those feelings are false; I buried them or they just went away.  One always has that special place in their heart for their first love, but the feelings aren't the same, nor as strong, as the feelings one has with their spouse.. the one person they're meant to be with. I remember the good times, but I also remember that we are two completely different people, and I'm okay with that.  I'm happy with the relationship I have with my husband.  He's one of the most amazing people I know.

I'm feeling strange this time of year.  I wouldn't say we're broke, but our holidays seem bleak this year.  I said that before, somewhere, and I still think it.  If I still had a job, it wouldn't be as bad.  It'll be an okay year for Bella and her gifts.  My mom gave her a bunch of books (they look kind of cheesy) that remind me of tourist stops. The previous post I made was originally placed in one of my mom groups.  Someone took it upon themselves to help.  I was very touched by this thought.  I was informed by an anonymous message that something from Amazon would be arriving for Bella this week.  This message choked me up a little bit. Tonight, we found the Amazon parcel on our porch.  Inside was an awesome Play-Doh set and four 12-piece wooden puzzles.  I made tonight gift wrapping night and was able to wrap them with everything else.  When I started wrapping them, I almost started crying.  Hell, I'm close to cryin...

Haven't started wrapping the gifts from my mom (she sent us goodies from Harry & David that just arrived today), nor is our tree up.  We haven't gotten anything for each other this year because, well, we can't afford it.  I wanted to make sure my Secret Ninja was able to get something special and I have that ready.  I know that I can spend probably all of $15 on Bella and she'd love it.  The single pack of Zoobles are on sale at Walmart for $5/piece.  She has four of the things now and our "family" here have already gotten her some.  I don't remember which numbers they got for her, but I do remember that they didn't get the same numbers. Even thogh we're on our own again, this feels like the worst holiday ever.  We can't even get gifts for ourselves this year.  Our friends have told us not to get them anything.  I appreciate that they understand that we can't, but it's also a blow to my/our pride. I didn't even THINK of doing s...

The last few weeks have included a lot of job searching.  Last week, I had a temp assignment for only one day stuffing envelopes.  I get that paycheck this-coming Friday. Last Friday, I applied for a job with Walmart (again; third time since May) as a full-time cashier.  At this point, full-time (40 hours/week) at $8/hour is better than nothing.  One can only hope that with my retail experience of the last 13 years, I can start at something higher than minimum wage.  I'll show them just how dedicated I am by working as much as possible.  I'm calling them later today to follow up on it. I don't think I'll hear back from that dentist office until after the new year; same goes for the Red River Army Depot.  I've also applied for a municipal country clerk position with the city as well as a customer service rep for Newly Weds Foods.  I haven't heard a thing from anybody. I don't know what else to do for work. It seems all I have to talk about ...

I really should have updated more last month.  I think I've let down the few people actually subscribed to my blog, though I'm not sure how many actually read it. Patrick starts his new job on Monday.  We're excited.  Yesterday was his last day at Staples. I'm still looking for work, expanding my search area to everywhere within 45 minutes of where we are now.  I'm trying every aspect I can and I really hope something bites soon. It was too easy to get back into the habit of staying up until 2am and rolling out of bed between ten and noon.  We've been watching season two of True Blood the last few nights, staying up until four in the morning.  The days are blurring together; half the time, I'm not sure if it's a weekend or a weekday.  I hate that. Bills are still okay... ish.  Nothing big is due yet, but I'm scared for when it is and if we're going to have the funds to pay it.  The largest bills we have are electric and internet (with...

This is the only thing my daughter is asking for.  I figure since that's the case, I don't mind getting them for her, as we can afford them.  They're super cute and really neat.  The adults thought they were pretty cool.. at least, the women did.  The boys were like, "Eh, they're toys."  The pictures below are the two that Bella received for her birthday. They're so cute!!!

Four years ago today, this very moment, I was very pregnant.  I was eight days overdue and waiting for my daughter to arrive.  My mother had arrived just a couple of hours from right now four years ago, rubbed my belly and said, "Bella, it's time to come out and play!"  Several hours after that, my water broke and I waited for the contractions.  This was also me freaking out about what to do.  I was dumbfounded for about half an hour. Me at 9 months We rushed to the hospital, with Dee keeping track of my contractions.  During the car ride, I was sending mass text messages to nearly everyone in my phone book telling them my water broke and that I was in labor.  I received a few back asking who was messaging them, but the rest were wishing me luck. We arrived at the hospital and my pants were soaked in amniotic fluid.  I was contracting fast and in pain.  We rushed up the the labor and delivery floor.  I peed on a st...

And with that, my mother is gone.  I think it's stupid; she promised to be here for a week. Her husband is sick and all alone.  Okay, why can't he be an ADULT and take care of himself?  I wonder if anyone else finds that it's mighty curious that he just happened to get sick the week she chose to come and visit ME.  I find it really curious.  Thank you, Asshole, once again for ruining a perfectly good visit. On top of that, she claimed to be "miserable."  It's too humid, she's always hot.  What?  It's the middle of November and it's been CHILLY since she got here!  We keep it warm in the house because Dee runs really cold. Personally, I think she just wanted to get the hell out of the trailer we live in; I think she can't stand the fact that we're in a trailer and not an apartment or house.  I'm also pretty sure that she associates it with trailer trash types. Fine; we don't need or want you down here.  Come back and visit af...

Today, I'm heading over to Texas Work Force to apply for a few city jobs.  I really hope it works out. My mom is here visiting for a week; she arrived yesterday, late morning.  I think we're going to head out to Walmart this afternoon and pick up curtains for our bedroom and Bella's bedroom.  We're using shawls and afghans from Ireland as curtains. I've also returned from the Texas Work Force center to apply for some jobs.  A couple of them sound very promising; it's just a matter of them getting back to me in a timely manner.  We have bills coming up within the next week that REQUIRE my paycheck.  I hope something comes up soon.

My buddy, Mike, has a blog on livejournal that I follow:   Creative Critically This is an interesting and very informative blog:   One Witch's Wonderland One of my most awesome friends; and I've only actually met her once:   That's what she said

Just kidding.  I don't.  I do have some guesses, though.  There isn't any specific reason why I'm guessing the following for my Secret Ninja; I'm just throwing it out there. -Jo -Keri -Lori -Ann -Stacy -Katie That's all I've got for now.

Last night, I had an odd dream.  For whatever reason, I was dreaming of the characters from "Breaking Dawn."  No idea why; I haven't read the book in forever.  But, the main female character was pregnant.  That female character evolved into me. I dreamed about making a Secret Ninja post in here about "Guess Who Completed the Pregnant Ninja Triad?" post. I remember we were really scared about something and had an amnio (thank god dreams can null any pain) and we found out we were having a boy; we were going to have our Jareth Constantine (another mouthful, I know). While we're basking in this news, I see a cut-scene (like out of a television show or movie) to Wil Wheaton playing a bad guy (he does it so well!).  Sort of.  He plays a teacher IM'ing on Facebook with one of his struggling students (male; kid's mom is right there monitoring) and the student get really frustrated with something and, when Mom isn't looking, types his cell phone number ...

Today is spent looking out the window to a gloomy, overcast day.    Temps are relatively cool.    Today is also spent making copies of six month's worth of weekly time sheets for only five personnel.    I started this yesterday afternoon, picking up on it this morning.    I'm on the first week of June.    I have a long day and it almost noon.    I think they're covertly trying to mentally log how much time is spent online.    Technically, it's all day due to my Pandora radio.    This current post was typed in Word before posting to the group.    I'm hoping to have July started by the time I leave today. I got a call from Mollye (yep, that's how it's spelled) from Century 21 yesterday evening (just before leaving work).    Patrick and I spoke with her when we were down here in May getting a feel for the place.    She told us that when we were ready to start looking for a house, t...

Y'all should be damn proud of me.. damnit. Our friend, Jessica, swung by the house (ha! not a house) to pick up myself and Bella to go to her Mexican Uncle's place.  (They're pretty much adopted family and everyone in the family seems to refer to them by the moniker.)  We stopped off at Walmart so I could get new shoes for Bella (we spent ten minutes searching her tiny-ass room for her other Tinkerbell shoe to no avail) and some socks that fit.  From there, we were driving for about 20 minutes to get to her family's place. We get there and people are just showing up.  Some others had already shown up and things were going well.  Jessica's husband, Derek (Pat's best friend), was already there.  Both Jessica and Derek kept telling me that Bella is already considered family by proxy (did I use that right?) and that even if I can't see her, someone does and will keep an eye on her.  I was VERY leery about this, even though they're all technically family. ...

I should have called my sister after having that dream.  I'm not really sure why I didn't. I think of her often, how she and my nephew are doing.  She's made nearly a 180 since she had her son.  She started smoking long before I did (she's younger than me), was a heavy drinker, and experimented with drugs.  When she found out she was pregnant, she quit smoking cold turkey, didn't drink, and obviously no drugs.  She was in the Navy at that point and hadn't done any for some time. I smoke, rarely drink, and did my own fair share of experimenting.  I smoked during my pregnancy, but not a lot; my daughter is perfectly healthy.  My sister now turns her nose up at smokers, though not as badly as my mother.  They both seem like hypocrites to me now. Another thing that bothers me is that she's still viewed as the "golden child."  She had good grades all through school; I didn't.  She graduated high school early and joined the Navy; I gradu...

The dream I had about my sister also had some of my "sleuthy" friends, too.  I have no idea what it means. I remember helping to keep away a friend of mine (her kids were in the dream, too; we'll call her A.R.) away from someone who was trying to hurt her, assault her.  I don't recall kicking anyone's ass, but I know I did my very best to protect them.  When I thought they were safe, I left for another place. I was walking along a sidewalk with someone when I ran into my sister.  She looked a wreck and really upset.  Just as she began speaking, a male voice said to me (I know I was with a guy, I just can't place the voice or face), "Hey, it's your sister, A----." I was upset with him for talking while she was trying to talk.  I looked him in the eye (still can't tell you what he looks like) and said, "I know it's my sister rape."  And that's when it hits me (in the dream); my sister's been sexually assaulted this time...

I haven't touched any time sheets at work in over a week.  All I've done at work is filing paid invoices and done research on getting licensed or renewing licenses in the lower 48 states.  No payroll, which I was hired on to do. I feel as though I'm now just wasting space and I should just stay home instead of spend the day here, doing what I would normally be doing at home -- sitting on my ass doing NOTHING. I've done all that I can with the states that I can.  There is no way to progress further.  I've been staring at the same Secretary of State web pages for the last week, knowing that there's nothing else I can do.  Forms and packets have been filled out to the best of my ability; these are currently with my supervisor so she can fill in the blanks.  For one state in particular, the utility manager needs to take a safety course that uses OSHA material.  For another, I have to wait for my supervisor to email a letter (on company letterhead) to the...

I dunno.  There's just something about my black Converse shoes.  I normally don't tie the laces; my ankle hurts after awhile with that.  When they're loose, they feel amazing.  I would wear these shoes with skirts and dresses, if I owned any of those clothing items.  They are one of the few pairs of shoes I own where my feet don't seem as big as they really are. I love them, my black Converse shoes.

Any drama that ensued yesterday has died down and problems have been solved.  I'm glad to still have my friends.  It seems the bond has become stronger.  Eventually, I won't have the fear of posting what I'm thinking; I doubt it will take too long.  They are trustworthy women.

Have you ever tried to play Switzerland in a disagreement among friends only for it to blow up in your face?  It sucks.  Your loyalties are questioned, as is your ability to be trusted.  I've learned from past experiences that I'd rather be diplomatic and try to solve the problem. Hell, even as I write this blog entry, I can't help but think these neutral words will be held against me.  I want to vent about the whole situation, but I'm not going to.  I'll find other ways to vent. I just hate seeing my friends (though I've only met one and spoken on the phone with at least three of them, asking for advice) disagree this way. I'm hoping things start settling by the end of the day.  This sort of thing takes a lot out of anyone participating.

So, in the last few work days, I haven't touched any kind of time sheet or payroll.  I'm beginning to wonder why.  At first, I was told it was because there were too many batches in the system [used for entering payroll].  I checked it when I came in this morning, hoping to input some of last weeks time sheets, but nothing. All I've done is look up what needs to be done to renew business contracts with other states as well as find and figure out or create usernames and passwords for states listed on an Excel spreadsheet.  This is not making me feel useful.. at all.  I'm just trying to figure out what is really going on in their heads. I applied for a GS4 position in Texarkana.  It's pretty much what the GS7 position was only 3 pay grades below.  The earnings for the GS4 per hour are higher than what I'm doing now and I'd be back in the government element (which is something I kind of miss).  Sometimes, but not often, I wonder about going back in...

So, yesterday on my way home from work, I was pulled over by a state trooper.  Apparently, I was speeding.  My speedometer read 70 (which is the speed limit); apparently my speedometer is off by nearly five miles (so when I think I'm going 70, it's closer to 75).  I received a warning and was told to get my car registered for Texas as well as get a Texas driver license.  I think I can get this done next week. Yesterday, we were given a bonus of $100.  I spent a portion of mine on a Dew fridgemate (splurge), milk, and Food Club ice cream (splurge).  I'd also ordered 3 pizzas and cheeses ticks from Pizza Hut (another splurge).  I still have almost $50 left; I put it in our special/emergencies hiding place.  I won't say where that place is, but let's just say the money will smell wonderful when/if we need it. I'm wondering if my co-workers think me dense.  Seriously.  I'm supposed to be entering time sheets all week (as they come in) as...

If my followers think of any, please post them in the comments. I know that loving someone enough to love them forever doesn't mean it's best to BE with them forever. Learn to appreciate the rainbow after cursing the rain, its just like loving again after experiencing the pain :) Behind every darkness, there's a shining light waiting for you to find it. Behind every best friend, there's always trust and love! :)

My mom shared/like/commented/whatever on this photo from my sister's Facebook page.  This is Asshole holding my nephew.. smiling.  He NEVER did this with my daughter.  Seeing this picture hurts.  A lot.  I want to punch this man in the face, breaking his nose, and causing his teeth to fall out.  I want to hurt him because of how much it hurts me. He was never smiling or happy when my daughter (who absolutely adores him for unknown reasons) was around.  I'm literally on the verge of tears.

Feeling really emotional and kinda weepy today.  I'm not even sure why.  At least two of my friends are pregnant (one is a surprise and the other was planned).  Last night, I had sympathy symptoms from BOTH of them; I'm trying to figure out which one is emotional today. I don't have any explanation.

Here I go again, I promised myself   I wouldn't think of you today It's been seven months and counting You've moved on I still feel exactly the same It's just the that everywhere I go   All the buildings know your name like Photographs and memories of love Steel and granite reminders The city calls your name and I can't move on Ever since you've been gone The lights go out the same The only difference is You call another name To your love To your lover now To your love The lover after me Am I all alone in the universe? There's no love on these streets I have given mine away to a world   That didn't want it anyway So this is my new freedom It's funny, but I don't remember being chained But nothing seems to make sense anymore Without you I'm always twenty minutes late Ever since you've been gone The lights go out the same The only difference is You call another name To your love To your lover now To your l...