Why do I think about these things?

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I'd had a baby when I was younger and stupid. Who would I rather be the father? I kept having the thoughts earlier this morning; I have no idea what brought them on. I keep wondering which one of my mistakes would have stepped up to the plate of being an unexpected father. My best bet would have been Ryan, my first, but even then, he was too young for that. He was self-centered at that point in his life, having a relationship just to have one.He's someone I can't believe I had tears over. I pulled my hair out over this guy. I can only think of how much worse it woould have been had we not used protection for the week I went to visit him that October. Things could have gone wrong.I don't know why I started thinking about it this morning. I almost think that had that happened to me, Jeffrey would have someone to play with on the weekends we had him. Even then, I'd still want one more with him. Who knows where these thoughts come from.

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