New Morning, A New Day

So... I opened the "old" blog but under a different name. You'll no longer find the good old postings here from when I started this blog. If you want those, message me and I'll get you the new link.

I'm really pissy lately too. I wish I could figure it out. Any takers?

This is very strange. There have been several times in the last month when I've been overly sensitive about things being said of me, about me or around me. I take things too personally, end up hearing what I want to hear. I'm trying to figure out how to fix this, but I'm not even sure how. I wish I knew the cause.

So far the new job is working out pretty well. I'm getting paid nearly twice what I was making in the retail world, getting more hours (because I want them and not because I just happened to get them) and doing stuff I enjoy.. sort of. I like doing admin work. I'm young enough that I won't get burned out on it. While at work, if I have down time, I do my school work. Last week, it was my business management class; this week, it's marketing. I took my business management lesson test over the weekend. My average for the class is a low B, but it's a B. I really don't want to get lower than a B- in ANY class. To be continued another time.

I started school recently. It's all online, so I can work at my own pace. This is very cool in just about every aspect. Except for the days when I don't really feel like doing said school work. At first, I thought I could do one chapter a day from each of the two books and do the end of lesson tests on the weekends. This didn't work out. Instead, I'm taking a week per set of lessons and then taking the test on the weekend. So far it's working out much better than the last routine. So, I'm working toward my Bachelor's Degree in Business Administration. I'm only doing this part time and, from what I can gather from my current school work schedule, it's the best thing I can do right now. I'm taking An Introduction to Marketing and Principles of Business Management. Last week, I did the Management lessons and took two tests; one was multiple choice and the other was ten essays. Actually, the first test I took I got an 80%, which is great f...

The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman.. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on 'donating a mammogram' for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors /advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/

First I want to start off by saying thank-you to Angie; read the following to find out why. Today was a decent day at work. I was getting my "quota" in for the time I was on a register (I work at Babies R Us) and doing a pretty good job (10 in four hours is bad for me, but everyone else is REALLY good, lol). Anyway, I wear my necklaces to work (one has a moon pentacle, with an ankh on one side and a unicorn head on the other; my other one is a large circlular Celtic knot pendant that I got from a friend of mne, apparently it didn't want her anymore). Anyway, this mother and her daughter came through my line with a purchase. The mother said that she really liked my pendant. Come to find out SHE'S PAGAN! I was ecstatic and happy and it helped my day. On her way out, she said, "Blessed Be." Unforunately I was only able to get out "Blessed" before my next customer put their stuff on the counter. It made me feel great today and I had a much bet...

Okay, I know it's still awhile off buuuuuuuuuuuttt... I'm already planning things. If anyone wants to look into things to get her for her first birthday, go to w ww.babiesrus.com and type in my first and last name. I don't really expect anything (I know we all have things that we need to get for our own family, so it's okay), but if anyone would like to. I'm also trying to find a theme. Silly idea, I know. http://www.celebrateexpress.com/celebration/Refine.aspx?N=4294967145&Ns=sort13&TabID=4294967146&pageID=0&iRec=50&vw=aslisi is the website for the themes. I'm not sure which one to pick! I don't want a girly girl theme because she's not a girly girl and no pink. Any ideas?

It happened again. I dreamed of the first love again. He was the same as I remember from 1999, only taller. Started talking with him, gave him a quick shoulder massage. "You were always really good at that," I seem to remember him saying. Nothing past that. Why am I having these dreams?!

I tried going to sleep but couldn't because I had this "rant" going through my head. The scenario is me at my own store as a customer and I catch someone unpacking something. Me: Excuse me? Them: Yes? Me: What do you think you're doing there? Them: Nothing really. Me: Why are you taking that out of the package? Them: I want to see what it looks like. Me: Why? It gives you the perfect picture of it plus the measurements for it. Them: That may be but I still want to see it. Me: Could you humor me for a minute? Them: Okay... Me: Okay. Imagine you work in a store, very much like the one you're in right now. Imagine that you're getting paid minimum wage, working anywhere between 25 and 40 hours a week. Imagine that the only gratitude you really get out of working at the store is, for instance, seeing all of the new babies and their parents and helping those parents get the best items they can for their new child. Them: Of course.. Me: Not done yet. Please let me fi...

I had another dream again. Another dream about the first love. We were together and happy, a family. I don't know why though. It's really ... I can't even think of the right word; it's getting to me that much. He was the same as I remember him, but his face is a little rounder. The feelings, the connection between us was still there and strong. It upsets me that I still have these unconcious thoughts, these dreams. I have no control over them. I know there are ways to "control" what you dream, but it's so hard Whatever precautions there are, I'd forget to do them. Akri, I love you

Been awhile it seems. Deployment is half over.. a little more than half over. :) Our internet was shut off shortly after my last diary post. We didn't have internet for nearly two weeks. Since our phone and cable are hooked up in the same package, we didn't have those either. Bella just started saying "baby" yesterday. It's a little broken up, but it's still "baby." I got it on webcam video and posted it here, on MySpace and emailed it to him. Talked to Shen and Triana today (Alyssa last night) about SeaWorld on Monday. Looks like Ye Olde Man will be here in a matter of hours. Bella and I will get in for free, since we're dependents and we'll have to pay $46.50 for Mom. Work is going well. I miss the paychecks I got when I was temping, but I wasn't enjoying that as much as I am where I work now. I'm still getting paid every week, but it's half the hourly wages I'm used to and slightly fewer hours. At least I enjoy wh...

So, it's been a couple of days... all right all right... MORE than a couple of days... a couple of weeks? I've been working now for a few weeks; it's great and I love it! It seems like once a week or so, I buy something for Baby Girl. Right now, I'm looking for a costume of a bumble bee for Halloween. Deployment is almost half done. Yippie!! I'm trying to find something really cute for Bella for when her Daddy comes home. I'm trying to dye my hair a lighter color today. Hopefully it turns out. Leaving it in for longer than the directions say, just to be sure that it works. Not much really to blog about. Bella is doing so great! She started crawling a couple of weeks ago; she's getting into everything now. I love it. Got new phones (and carrier) so that he and I can call and text each other while he's gone. I went with my first carrier ever --- T-Mobile. If I like it enough when the contract is up, I'll stick with them and drop Sprint (I owe...

Been a few days. Got the job. Orientaion was two days this last week. Start fresh on Monday. I'll have the next two weekends off, but after that working at least one day on the weekend. Did a couple of "music videos" of Bella for him. I hope he likes them. She's in a really cute summery number. Got some professional pictures done of Bella, finally. I love them. He has 81 days until he comes home. He got the packages I sent a couple of weeks ago, so that's good. Hopefully he can make the cigarettes last until the next package. I got two new phones with my first carrier because they can do international calls. It's still going to charge per minute (for example, it's $1.49 to call to and from Singapore. It's twice that for Vietnam. But, at least we can call. There's also text messaging. It's thirty-five cents for him and fifteen cents for me. The phones should be here on Tuesday and his package should go out Wednesday. The Navy fucked...

Pictures of Bella. :) Professional ones. =D

Instructions: Write 10 statements, intended to different people.never tell which one is to who things you've always wanted to tell people. (*one or two may not even be on myspace. -Tam) 1. There are times when I love you, but there are times when your actions speak louder than your words and you upset me. I'm afraid to tell you to your face because I'm afraid it will screw with our friendship. 2. It was interesting having my own "puppy dog" for a couple of years. I got a little worried when special permission was given to go to my school. This was the catalyst for the drift in our friendship, which was rocky, at best, in high school. I'm sorry for treating you the way I did. 3. I forgive too easily, sometimes. My folks were mad for a long time; I think they still are. But I forgive you. I forgive you because you helped so many times the last few years when it was really needed. I appreciate that. 4. I still love you, but no longer in love with you. I'm hap...

I don't know why but lately I've been thinking about how I lived my life just a few years ago. I was young, stupid and not very safe. After I posted the last time, about the different relationships I had and how unsafe I was with them. I can't tell you how much of the sex was unprotected. I'm lucky to not have anything and not have been a young mother. I wouldn't have been able to deal with it then. And the chances of the guy actually stepping up to the plate to be the unexpected father? HA! Very laughable, of any boyfriend or fling I had. They were all too into what they were doing at the time to play a father. None of them would have taken the responsibility. Granted, Brian was probably one of the more responsible boyfriends I had (Timm's the other one; we didn't even sleep together, which was odd for me then). But even that doesn't mean anything. There are guys out there who are responsible men, but when they find out they've knocked ...

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I'd had a baby when I was younger and stupid. Who would I rather be the father? I kept having the thoughts earlier this morning; I have no idea what brought them on. I keep wondering which one of my mistakes would have stepped up to the plate of being an unexpected father. My best bet would have been Ryan, my first, but even then, he was too young for that. He was self-centered at that point in his life, having a relationship just to have one.He's someone I can't believe I had tears over. I pulled my hair out over this guy. I can only think of how much worse it woould have been had we not used protection for the week I went to visit him that October. Things could have gone wrong.I don't know why I started thinking about it this morning. I almost think that had that happened to me, Jeffrey would have someone to play with on the weekends we had him. Even then, I'd still want one more with him. Who knows wher...

So, I gave her the last $20 I had in my wallet. I'll give her the rest of the $55 when he gets paid. Then, hopefully she won't be on my back at all. Then again, I want to keep things good between us in case I need her help in finding another babysitter for Bella. I have a group inteview set up with Babies R Us on Friday; I'm that desperate for work. I'll work someplace where I won't be getting the $13+/hour I need to live. I filled out online applications for Walmart and Hollywood video. Found out that the friend of mine I thought was going to be able to watch Bella for me, won't be able to because her husband doesn't think I'll pay her enough. If I were to pay what everyone else pays for childcare, I might as well save myself the money and be a SAHM. The best we can do right now for us to stay above water is to give only $150 for two weeks. I wish I could find something that wasn't leaving me broke. He's in the double digits now. I thin...

I gave her the $20 in my wallet. She gave me guff about it. I told her it was all I could do and that I was expecting more on this paycheck. I keep hoping more will show up on the next one. In any case, I'm too tired to bitch about it right now. Next entry --- -paying her -Bella's new sleeping habits -tree -father's day pictures