Wednesday, September 06, 2017

Tidal Wave of Emotions

I was doing just fine this morning.  It was business as usual.  I was releasing some photo orders this morning when, out of nowhere, a tidal wave of emotions hit me. 

I have no idea where it came from.  The sea was calm, nothing dusturbing it.  The next thing I know, I want to break down and cry.  I'm still kind of feeling that way as I type this.

Chester popped into my head.  He's been gone 6 weeks.  I've stopped crying as well as listening to the title track of One More Light.  It must be hitting me harder than I thought because I have no explanation for the high emotions from earlier this morning.

I need to get an LP tattoo.  I've always wanted one (since the late 90's when their first album dropped) and I think it will help with some closure.  I've never been affected to this degree when a celebrity passed away.  I thought I was okay, but I guess I'm not.

Six more hours of work to go.  I can put on that customer service smile and none will be the wiser of how I'm really feeling inside.

I miss you, Chester.

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Gah, why is this still affecting me?

Sunday, March 12, 2017

The Mom Your Children Need

I feel terrible that we can't do all the extra things that other parents and kids do.  On numerous occasions, Bella has brought home flyers for stuff that she'd like to do.  Most of the time, we can't do any of them due to work schedules.

I work two jobs to make sure that we can have the things we need be it new glasses, clothes to replace the ratty stuff, new shoes because our feet are growing at an alarming rate.  I just want to make sure that the kids are happy with what they have.  I hope they're never want for anything.

So, I'm trying to get a beauty YouTube channel started.  I pick up things to test and review and create content with.  This does not go in front of my children's needs.  You ask either kid if they're happy.  I'm 98% sure both will tell you, "Yes."  You ask either kid if there are things they wish we could do more often or things they'd like to have.  They'll both tell you, "Absolutely."  Wanna know what else they'll tell you?  They'll tell you that they understand that we can't always do the awesome and fun things.  They understand that we don't always have the money to do stuff all the time.  They UNDERSTAND that so long as we're together, everything is perfect.

My family is wonderful.  My kids are fantastic.  My daughter is creative.  My bonus son is passionate.  My husband is amazingly supportive of me, his son, and our daughter.  I couldn't ask for anything more, really.  A lot of the other things will come in time and when it's right.  We'll get a break one day and we'll be appreciative of the experiences that we've had to get to that point.