Friday, September 30, 2011
I stood out in the field, my arms outstretched, basking in the light that shone down upon me. I chanted the Goddess invocation and allowed the vibrations of the earth to surge right through me. My energy was renewed. I felt like a new woman and I was ready to take on whatever lay ahead of me.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
One day I will finish it. Those who've read it so far are anxiously waiting to read more. It's been awhile since they read anything, but I know they haven't forgotten. They really like the story. I just need to finish it. I also need to find it. I'm hoping that I still have it located on the laptop I'm currently using.
It seems as though my sister will always have a good opportunity to get photos of my nephew done. That's great as I enjoy seeing pictures of him. However, it feels like my mother is hounding me for "professional" pictures of my daughter. "I like the silly ones, but..." is what I see a lot from her on Facebook.
I'm sorry I don't get photos of my daughter all the time. Yes, I married a photographer, but we have busy lives with work and school full time. Doing professional photos of our daughter for my mother (or anyone else in our extended family) are not our top priority. She's also asking for recent pictures of my bonus son. The most recent pictures WE HAVE are from our last visit almost three years ago.
I really wish she'd stop. It seems like she's comparing me to my sister. Maybe it's just me over-reacting, but that's what it feels like. My sister seems to be able to get professional photos done for my nephew for his birthday and a couple of other times during the year. I'm sure my mother would love these, too, but we can't. Even going to the photo place in Wally World isn't going to happen. When I'm not at work, I'm at school. When I'm not at school, I'm at work. When I'm not at either place, I'm at home relaxing or doing homework. The last place I want to be when I'm not working is AT WORK.
Sometimes I wonder if I should just NOT do photos of her at all OR if/when we do get professional photos done, not sending them to my mother. She's been pushy about things. At least, that's how it seems to me.
I don't remember if I posted this on my blog three months ago, so here it is.. again.
- Sister The zoo opens back up July 1st, I have Darion most of the time between July 8th - 17th, just saying, the zoo is about all we have here. I will have to double check my dates but I think it's about right.5 hours ago ·
Mom Okay. I am not making any plans until next week. I thinkg I may go to Illinois for the 4th then up to see you and Darion (& Dan).5 hours ago ·
Sister Good luck seeing Dan. He has been working a lot lately.5 hours ago ·
Mom Life is never easy and it is always an adjustment to the new avenues we walk. The ability to adapt to new situations means the ability to survive whatever life throws at you. Eventually you will have more time with Dan.5 hours ago ·
Mom Sorry - didn't mean to sound preachy. I've been working on my life coaching business and that just fell out.5 hours ago ·
Sister I was just letting you know you won't see much of him. I wasn't complaining.5 hours ago ·
Mom Okay. Love you.5 hours ago ·
Sister Love you too. Thanks for planning a trip to see us.5 hours ago ·
Sister It's not the 8th, it's the 11th through the following weekend4 hours ago ·
Mom Then I think I will go to Illinois for the 4th, maybe hit Ohio, then come see you.4 hours ago ·
Me Have fun!2 hours ago ·
Mom Maybe I can make it to Texas for Bella's birthday14 minutes ago ·
Me If you can that would be great; I know Bella misses her Mimi.about a minute ago ·
Me But don't worry about it if you can't.about a minute ago ·
Oh, and that bit where she thinks she's "preachy?" Yeah, she really doesn't talk like that. She's trying to make herself feel better and important.She also recently resigned as a bus driver for RTD. She JUST got that job. I guess she made the mistake of NOT asking the bus drivers just how taxing it is on their bodies (why she resigned/quit this job). If she did that, she wouldn't have even bothered applying for it. The longest job she's held was her military service; aside from that, she hasn't held onto a job longer than maybe five years. Granted, I haven't had one longer than two, but if we'd been able to stay in San Diego, I'd still have the job I left (and had been employed for almost four years).I'm not going to pretend to be happy that she feels that "maybe" she'll grace us with her presence AFTER I commented on her status. I don't think that I should.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
I started wearing glitter to work every day a few months ago. Now, my customers can't wait to see what I do. They love to see how I've done my eye makeup for the day. This helps me to stand out to be me. There are others who do fun things with their eye makeup at work, but apparently, I stand out. This makes me happy and I feel good.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
I miss her falling asleep on me. She did it so much when she was a baby. Sometimes I miss her being a baby.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
I wish every kid had the chance to experience what I experienced as a child.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
I really admire my mother-in-law. She's a strong and intelligence woman who doesn't let anything or anyone get in her way. She's loving and compassionate. If it wasn't for her, my daughter wouldn't be as awesome as she is. My mother-in-law helped her with her walking, talking, and learning. My daughter is so very receptive to learning and I have my mother-in-law to thank for it.
Monday, September 19, 2011
- My most prized possession is tall enough to look my belly button in the "eye"
- My most prized possession has curly, flaxen locks
- My most prized possession sees through crystal blue orbs
- My most prized possession has the voice of an angel
Saturday, September 17, 2011
I'd take a trip to Columbus, Ohio and spend time with my dad. I'd bring Bella and Pat and The Boy (if able) with me.
I'd take a trip out to Southern California to visit friends and family.
I'd take a trip to Australia, too. Pat and I hooked up there and we've been going strong ever since.
It's short and sweet but it's what I'd do.
Friday, September 16, 2011
My bonus son was the same age as my daughter is now when I met him; 4 almost 5 years old. He's now 12 and started juniper high this year. I know it's different for me than my husband, but that awesome kid has been a part of my life for almost ten years now.
He is such an amazing kid. I'm proud to call him my bonus son. I extremely dislike the term "step-kid" and I heard the term "bonus kid" a few years ago. I'be used that term ever since. He's truly a bonus in my life.
Sometimes all it takes is a kiss
A hug or a squeeze
Sometimes a smile or a laugh
So many ways to show how much you mean to me
Dedicating a song on the radio
Finding something you've always wanted
A smiling face when you come home
There is no song
To show show you, to tell you
How much I love you
You are my world
You are everything to me
As the days go by,
I find that I love you more
To make love to you
Is the most beautiful way
For me to show you
All that I feel for you
My days feel empty when you're not around
I feel lonely, but I know I'm not alone
You're always with me
And that comforts me
As we grow old together,
My love for you will never falter
If I lost you, I'd lose myself
I would lose my soul
You are my being
You are the reason I am here
You are my soulmate
Mo Anam Cara
I love you,
My best friend
We will be together always
Nothing will break us apart
My love for you is too strongAnd it always will be
I look foward to spendng the rest of my life with you
Watching the world go by
There's nothing else I would rather do
Than to be with you for all time.
I never would have guessed that in eight years time, I'd be happily married to the PH I asked a "dumb question" to. I knew we'd be friends for a long time; that deployment proved it. What it also proved was that you were (and still are) the one for me.
I love that you can make me laugh, even when I want to be a bad mood. Everyone may think you're a comedian, I know you are and you're my comedian. You can always make a bad day a good day.
I love that when I talk, you listen and vice versa. Before we started dating, I had big problems with communication in relationships. You showed me that communication is key in any relationship. I think that's one thing that has kept us together so far. We talk to each other instead of at each other, which so many other couples tend to do.
I love how you stay in touch with The Boy. I love the relationship you two have. I can't wait to see the two of you together again.
I love how you interact with our Curly Top. She loves her Daddy so much and is sad when you're not home. She's so much your daughter.
I love your hugs. I need your hugs.
I love your soft, passion-filled kisses.
I love the way you love.
I love how your eyes change color. My favorite is green; they look so good when they're green.
I love you so much. Sometimes it's hard to put it all into words.
I love you, forever and always.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Still I Rise
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
I don't like writing about myself, especially when it comes to trying to talk myself up to potential employers. Buzz words don't work as well as they want you to think.
Just be yourself, yet professional. If you can find that happy medium between being just you and being professional, you've got the cat in the bag.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
I don't know when we realized it, but we hooked up before Valentine's Day. We were together off and on from 8th grade thru 10th grade (the year he moved away). I pined for him, but my interests were also on a guy a grade below me (but a year older than me and TALLER). Pete Coleman and I were really good friends. In fact, we still talk.
I met up with my first love again after I graduated high school. I was living with my best friend, Tanya Collins, in Ventura, California and Ryan was going to the University of Idaho in Moscow, Idaho. He paid for a bus ticket for me to visit him for eight days around his birthday and Halloween. It was the best eight days of my life at that point. I was barely 18 years old (he'd just turned 18 a week before Halloween) and we'd lost our virginity to each other. It was sweet, really. We were both so awkward again.
Now, I'm 30 years old; he's still 29. He's married to the girl he moved onto after me (this whole process was long for me and nerve wracking; this was when I started smoking a lot and cutting) and they have two beautiful little girls. Their oldest daughter is about ten days or so younger than my Belladonna.
I think from time to time how things could have changed, how they could have been different. Sometimes, I wonder this with the other main interest in my life before meeting my husband. The one I could have had, but never got the chance. I remember telling Pete's girlfriend at a New Year's party that I still really liked him and still wanted him for me. He told me years later that he thought it was cool. I mean, me telling his current girlfriend that I had feelings for him to her face.
I play the "what if" game. Where would I be if Ryan and I actually stuck it out? I learned later that you NEVER marry your first; you spend the rest of your life wondering what it would be like with someone else. Where would I be if Pete and I actually hooked up my senior year? What if condoms broke with other boyfriends? It's truly a miracle that I don't have any STDs. Not everyone I slept with was protected.
In any case, I'm happy where I am. I am happy with my husband, Patrick, my daughter, Belladonna. I'm happy to have the extended family on his side.
I guess that's it for this entry. I may find another older entry from many years ago on a different online journal website that details it more. If anyone wants to know, really, how things were going when Ryan finally ended things with me and what it did to my psyche, I'll search for those lost entries and post them here. Just leave a comment. Thanks for reading!
Monday, September 12, 2011
When it comes to my story writing, I get a little from here, a little from there. Often, my writing style is similar to whichever author I'm reading at the time. The story I've been working on for the last several years started out as my own writing style. I started reading the Dark Hunter series by Sherrilyn Kenyon and my story became a work of romance instead of fiction. I read two trilogies from Nora Roberts, which only fueled the writing style. Last summer, I started reading a series by Yasmine Galenorn.
I composed poetry when I was younger; I haven't written much of it in recent years. I think I was still deployed when I wrote my last poem. I think I need to write one for Belladonna for each of her birthdays and give them to her when she turns 18. If I can find them, I'll have to try finding a photo of her from each year to affix to the page.
Now, if I'm trying to write something for a specific purpose, like a research paper, I use proper punctuation, grammar, spelling, all that jazz as well as using MLA format.
Yes, it sucks that it happened, but it brought Americans together again. You see so many countries out there who are so proud of their people. All the time. It makes me sad that it has to take some pretty drastic measures for us to be proud. Yeah, you see a lot of people wearing red, white, and blue in support and love for the good ol' United States, but those people are either veterans (like myself) or are from certain parts of the country. I've been all over the continental United States and I've seen that those who live in the South are the most patriotic; it doesn't have to take a tragedy for them to feel kinship with one another.
It bothers me that for the rest of the United States, something absolutely terrible had to happen.
I'm proud to have served my country. It's terrible that the World Trade Center was destroyed. It was a wake-up call that needed to be made.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
I'm still not feeling very well today. I had a relatively short shift at work-- five and a half hours. I have a full shirt tomorrow, but I honestly don't know if I'll be able to go all day. It sucks that I can't earn sick days until after I've been there for a year.
Seriously, who does that?
Friday, September 09, 2011
I suppose one of my happiest times would be when I graduated high school. I was excited to be done with it and really looked forward to where my life was going to go.
Another happy time for me was when I realized who I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I'd made a best friend on my ship and it turned out that we both had feelings for each other.
A happy time after that would have been the night my daughter was born. Holding her for the first time was incredible and I wouldn't trade that feeling for all of the money in the world.
Thursday, September 08, 2011
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
I'm still recovering from the last four workdays. I've had four full eight hour days and standing in one spot, hardly able to move more than maybe two square feet at a time. Sometimes, I can get out of my register cubicle to scan stuff in a cart, but that doesn't always happen.
I'll be able to eat lunch at home (I think I'm going to skip the mayo and mustard on my sandwich to cut down on the bad calories and whatnot). I'm going to see if I can stop by Taco Bell or something on my way to class tomorrow evening.
I'll be happy when tomorrow is over because then it'll be another day off from work. This entire week is a nearly 40 hour work week, something I'm not used to with this particular job. If I can get more weeks like this, it won't be any problem at all.
For me, it's always been in school, not back to school.
I still have a year before my baby girl starts school. I think I'm going to get her school list items together before she even starts school in order to avoid the rush at the end of next summer.
Monday, September 05, 2011
It actually takes a bit for me to write or blog or journal. Many times, I need inspiration to write anymore. If there is a daily prompt to write about, I'll write.
I'm trying to get in the habit if writing every single day. Sometimes it's hard. Life tends to get in the way.
Saturday, September 03, 2011
Tanto tempo fa,
Un uccello fatale di nome,
Incrociò in volo la freccia di un,
Lungo le coste di lava,
Per anni, pensando di essere,
Scappò dalla freccia,
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/sarah_brightman/chromaggia.html ]
Perché non affronti il pericolo?
La freccia era legata all'ala,
E lei volva per liberarsene,
Tirando la freccia,
Altri son ferriti per mia colpa,
Giú! Verso la bocca del diavolo!
La sua freccia, I miei occhi.
Chromaggia, come take these eyes... !
I would rather be blind!
Friday, September 02, 2011
I went to the lake with a couple of friends of mine earlier in the summer before it got really, really hot. Bella loved it and and made some new friends. As it happens, one of those new friends lives less than a minute away! We haven't been over there, though. I work with her daddy and bonus mom. Hopefully we'll be able to hang out more often.
While this next bit has nothing to do with today's title, I think that if I really like the math instructor I have, I might take an additional math class or two to complete my Associate's in Business Administration. I think I need Finite Mathematics and Statistics, so we'll see how that goes.
I also need to take a Spanish class. I think I'm going to take a full load in the Spring semester (five classes) to try and finish up as much as I can toward my Associate's in Business Administration. I think that with all that classes I've taken (and will take during winter break and intersession next year), I'll have enough for SOMETHING besides General Studies.
I've also been going back to my Milady book. When I have the funds for it, I'm going to register online to take practice tests and save the money I need to take the REAL written exam. After I take the written exam, I can do the practical exam and then I'm done! I think I'm going to drive to Shreveport instead of Dallas. I need to make sure that it won't count as a Louisiana cosmetology license, though. I also need to replenish what I need for my practical exam and find someone to go with me to Shreveport when I take my practical exam. I'm sure if I post something on Facebook around that time, I won't have a problem finding someone.
Thursday, September 01, 2011
After high school (and six years of writing in a journal), I found out about online journals. I had one on DeadJournal.com, Diaryland, and one more. Later, I found Blogspot. I liked the interface much better. MySpace and CafeMom came along and both had journal sections of their pages. Thus, I tried the journal online a bit more.
I don't have too many journal or blogging influences. I write when I want to write or when I have something to write about. It's not the typical "I did this today..." anymore. Thanks to social networking sites, like Facebook, I don't write those anymore.