Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Silverchair

I heard "Without You" on the video music channel (not to be confused with what MTV and MTV2 USED to be), and found myself in love with them all over again.  Two of my favorite songs are "Without You" and "Miss You Love."  The links for the videos and the lyrics are below.  I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.


Miles Away
There's hopeless smiles brighter than mine
And I need for you to come and go
Without the truth falling out.

Old incisions refusing to stay
Like the sun through the trees on a cloudy day

You brighten my life like a polystyrene hat
But it melts in the sun like a life without love
And I've waited for you so I'll keep holding on
Without You(2X)

Telephone
Socially scared and impaired
If the trees will bloom the wind can blow
Without the fruit falling out

Old incisions refusing to stay
Like the sun through the trees on a cloudy day

You brighten my life like a polystyrene hat
But it melts in the sun like a life without love
And I've waited for you so I'll keep holding on
Without You(2X)

Feels like the wind blows
Holding you with us
She takes no other
False light and ashes
Blooming like winter

You brighten my life like a polystyrene hat
But it melts in the sun like a life without love
And I've waited for you so I'll keep holding on
Without You(3x)

Millionaire say
Got a big shot deal
And thrown it all away but
But I'm not too sure
How I'm supposed to feel
Or what I'm supposed to say
But I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle every day
And I miss you love

Make room for the prey
'Cause I'm coming in
With what I wanna say but
It's gonna hurt
And I love the pain
A breeding ground for hate but...

I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people

Remember today
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love

I love the way you love
But I hate the way
I'm supposed to love you back

It's just a fad
Part of the teenage angst brigade and
I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people

Remember today
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love

Remember two days
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love

I love the way you love
But I hate the way
I'm supposed to love you back

Old Friends

It's strange to have ex-boyfriends on one's social networking page.  I suppose I'm one of the strange ones.  Of the few serious relationships I've been in (including my current as a wife), only one boyfriend isn't on my friends list.  I'm not losing sleep over it, if that's what one wonders.  I do see if they're on this networking site, but maybe only once a year.

The first love of my life is on my friends list.  Though things were tough and quite rocky toward the end, we managed to scrape up what was once a good friendship, and reform that friendship.  We're both happily married and have children close in age.  His oldest daughter is less than 14 days younger than my only daughter.

He instant messaged me on this networking site to just chat.  I have no problem with this.  I found it odd that he IM'ed me first; he rarely does this.  Either way, I was happy to chat (I was already chatting with an old friend from 12 or so years ago).  We talked about life, kids, work.  Out of the blue, he says to me, "And don't take this the wrong way, but your profile pic really brings out your features," or something like that.  I wish I could remember the exact wording.

I bring it up because it caught me off-guard.  I've never been all that great at accepting compliments.  Considering our past, I just never really expected it from him.  He still admits that he's an asshole.  I was really mad at him back then for being an asshole, not caring about the feelings of others.

However, maturing and parenthood tends to change people; most of them, for the better.  I enjoy talking to him.  We've finally come back around the circle and become friends again and this makes me happy.  Even if he was an asshole of a boyfriend, when we were still just friends all those years ago, he was a good one to have.  And he still is. 

Sunday, August 29, 2010

The Fly's - Got You Where I Want You (edited to add lyrics)

When I was in high school, this was one of my favorite songs.  It's from the soundtrack for the movie Disturbing Behavior.  Awesome song.

The Fly's - Got You Where I Want You

Hey what's the point of this
Hey what's your favorite song
Maybe we could hum along

I think you're smart
You sweet thing
Tell me your name
I'm dying here

Ooh got you where I want you
Ooh got you where I want you
Oh yeah

Hey maybe just a smile
Oh hey do you know that I can dance
Could we talk for a while

I think you're smart
You sweet thing
Tell me your sign
I'm dying here

Ooh got you where I want you
Ooh got you where I want you
Oh yea
Ooh got you where I want you
I want you bad

I think you're smart
You sweet thing
Tell me your name
I'm dying here

Ooh got you where I want you
Got you where I want you
YEAH
Got you where I want you
I want you
Want You

Got you where I want you

Walking around
screaming at you in my head,
"Please find me!"
Then you did,
driving around El Paso together...
looking for that head shop...
 

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Faint - Linkin Park

This song can get me pumped for anything.  Video and lyrics below.


"Faint"

I am a little bit of loneliness a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can’t help the fact that everyone can see
these scars
I am what I want you to want what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, to just believe
this is real
So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I got

[Chorus]
(I can't feel the way I did before)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)
(Time won't heal this damage anymore)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)

I am a little bit insecure a little unconfident
Cause you don't understand I do what I can but sometimes I don't make
sense
I am what you never wanna say but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear
me out
So I let go watching you turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got

[Chorus]
(I can't feel the way I did before)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)
(Time won't heal this damage anymore)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)

(No)
(Hear me out now)
(You're gonna listen to me, like it or not)
(Right now)
(Hear me out now)
(You're gonna listen to me, like it or not)
(Right now)

(I can't feel the way I did before)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)

[Chorus]
(I can't feel the way I did before)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)
(Time won't heal this damage anymore)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)

I can't feel
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

Friday, August 27, 2010

Peace and Quiet

There's something to be said about taking a long, relaxing bath in the middle of the night, without hearing, "Mommy, whatcha doin'?" or "Can I watch tv in your room?" or "Where's Daddy? [at work, honey].

I ran it a little hotter than I wanted to, but it felt great on my knee.  I woke up with it really stiff this morning, and the hot water soothed it better.  It's not nearly as stiff as it was earlier in the day.

I decided to not work on my story today.  For starters, I stayed up with Bella after serving her banana oatmeal this morning (8:30) after getting only five hours of sleep (I tried getting to sleep earlier, but it wasn't happening).  I put in Guitar Hero World Tour and started a solo career.  After a few hours of that, I put in Rockband (better set list).  In an attempt to remain awake, I brewed a fresh pot of coffee and drank about 8 of the 12 cup servings it brewed.  I also have another cup of coffee sitting right in front of me.

Now, I know what you're going to say.  It's not the coffee keeping me awake at night.  Today was the first in quite a few days that I drank coffee.  It seems that shortly after we moved here to Texas, my nights started running later. 

After having my bath and washing my hair, I feel relaxed and hopefully will sleep tonight.  Meaning, I'll get to sleep at a decent time and not 3:30am.  Wish me luck.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Classic American Muscle Cars and Trucks

I'm trying to write a story.  I've been working on it for several years now and it's be re-written many times, added to many times.  One of the elements I'm adding is the classic American muscle car and trucks.  So far, I only have two classic vehicles; one of each.  

One character is driving a 1968 Dodge Charger.  It's black with white leather interior (or whichever is true to the time when manufactured).

The other is slightly customized.  It's a 1968 Chevy truck.  I've no idea the model; I could use some help on this part.  It's black with red, orange, blue, and purple flames along the side and deep red (crimson) leather interior.

Feel free to expand more on these.  I'd love to have a peek into your passion for these amazing cars and trucks.  Any information is really appreciated.  Thank you so much!

Some things I'd like to know to make this more believeable are:
  • How does it make you feel when you turn the key and start it, to hear the engine roar beneath the seat?
  • Is there a certain amount of pride held for that vehicle?
  • What draws you to a certain classic muscle car or truck?

Well on my way

I've started re-typing my story. It's 40+ pages right now and it will only get longer (I hope) after making the changes I want. I figure if I do about ten pages of typing a day, I can get it where I need it in about a week. I've got a general outline, including an epilogue (to follow the introduction I made). It looks promising.

I cut Bella's hair yesterday. She's been wanting it short, so I gave her a bath, washed her hair and then cut it off. Below are before and after pictures.

Before:


After:




She loves her new haircut. Patrick tells me he thinks she looks like an adult, only smaller. I'm proud of myself for this haircut. It's difficult to cut a child's hair and difficult to cut super curly hair. But, I did both and I have the even lines I need. Woot!!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Oh, Bella, my Bella

My daughter, Belladonna, talks in her sleep. She's also pretty good at telling me about bad dreams that she's had just moments before. Last night was no different.

She woke up from a bad dream last night. I heard her call for me over the monitor and rushed to her room. She was laying on her bed, feet under the pillow, snuggling her special pink blanket (made just for her) and a smallish Pooh Bear quilt. I asked her to tell me about her dream.

She said her animals were taken by a human; a "chocolate" man named Gabriel who's been following her. She said that he has two dragons: a silver one and a gold one. She says her green dragon, Gorbash (points to your House if you can remember where that name orignates), will help her.

I told her that if she returns to the Land of Dreams, she can go back and get her animals from the human and that Mommy can help her from that place.

After some kisses and "Mommy, I forgot something..." I left her room and attempted sleep. I then hear over the monitor the following statements:
  • "Who is making that noise?"
  • "Who is that?"
  • "Who's there?"
  • "No!"
I'm wondering what her dream entailed. I'm hoping she got her animals back and ran away from "Gabriel." I honestly have no recollection of helping her. I feel bad about that, but I can't control my dreams currently.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Vague Morning Memories

Almost since we moved here, Bella's been crawling into bed with us in the mornings. Today, was nothing new. I have vague memories of her climbing in, snuggling up to me and throwing her left arm and leg over me. I wasn't sure if I dreamed it or not. Either way, I thought it was kind of sweet. Thing is, she only ever climbs in on my side of the bed; never my husband's.

At some point, she got up and went into the living room while Patrick got ready for work. He woke me up around 8:30 (when my alarm for him went off), saying I should probably move to the living room couch. Most mornings, I get up with Bella and we go to the living room for some Phineas and Ferb. I get her some breakfast and then I pass out on the love seat.

She asked for a movie and went searching for one. I asked her for the tv remote and PS3 controller; she came back saying she wanted to watch Twilight. She'd picked up New Moon, but she didn't care. She wanted to watch it.

I'm one of those moms who doesn't severely censor what my child watches. Aside from adult movies (rated MA and up), there isn't much I won't let her watch. Pan's Labyrinth is one I won't let her watch. Not because it's in Spanish, but I think it's too much. Then again, this child enjoys watching the Saw, Resident Evil and any other scary movies we have.

Today, is some minor grocery shopping. I'm making lasagna for friends this weekend.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Much Ado...

My tax refund showed up a couple of weeks ago. It was nearly $4K. We opened a new bank account here in town with it, to make things much easier (especially deposits and such). Thing is, with the bills we've started here, and paying off a couple of things, it's dwindled to barely $700.

We still need to pay the trash this month (roughly $20) and I need to get in touch with my student loans to do the [first] payment of roughly ($240). I don't want to get behind on that.

There's also the debt I've got with Grantham still. Last time I checked, that balance was to the tune of $1,500. I'd really like to get that debt off my back.

There's also my credit card through my Navy credit union. The amount isn't so bad; it's less than what I owe Grantham. I'm sure that once I get those two items paid off (once I'm working, that is), my credit score will have improved. Hopefully, the only recent negative thing will be the current student loan I'll have been paying off steadily, sometimes making double payments.

I'd love to be able to make double payments, but I haven't got a clue when that will be. I'm afraid that we won't be able to get a home loan until all three are paid off and thus have zero debt.

Our home in Texas is what we're making of it. It's a three bedroom, two bathroom trailer home. We have a decent little living room and an eat-in kitchen. The service/laundry room is just outside of our door.

When you walk in the front door and turn right, my mother-in-law's room is at the end of the hallway. If you were to go to her door and make a 180 degree turn, the shared bathroom would be on your right. Next to the bathroom, is Bella's room; next to her, is the AC/thermostat.

In front of the main door, looking in, you have the living room. The wall on the right side is covered with book shelves, holding, not only books, but VHS's and DVD's. Upon turning left from the front door, you see the kitchen and the eat-in area. There's a door just before the bedroom on the right, which houses the washing machine and dryer. Then, there's the "master" bedroom and bathroom. The bathroom has dual vanities and a garden tub. The bedroom has a walk-in closet.

And that's it.

The carpet is bur-bur (I think) and it messes up your feet pretty bad. The linoleum tiles are damaged. From the looks of it, they were placed right on top of the old stuff. You can see this in the kitchen and master bathroom. The counters in the kitchen could use to be replaced, but who has that money laying around?

In any case, it may not be the best of conditions, but it's what we have to work with, and we'll make it work. We're making it work.

Patrick found a job working at Staples part-time. He officially starts on Tuesday.

Mom and I have yet to find work.

I applied for a manager-in-training (assistant manager) at the Walgreens here. If the position is still open, I would hope that it wouldn't take long for a call back for an interview. Hopefully my time spent at my Denver store will help (considering my original interview for that store was for assistant manager).

I've also applied to American Electrical Power (AEP). They're supposed to be very veteran friendly. There's a GI periodical naming it one of the top employers for vets and current active duty members. This makes me happy.

I'm sure either job will pay just fine. Walgreens is a 40+ hour work week, not sure of pay. AEP is probably your standard 40 hour work week, not sure of pay. I think the pay may be the defining factor, if interviewed for both.

I'm trying to study for my state board exams. I need to find the textbook, first. We're not sure if it's still in Denver, or in Patrick's truck. When the weather cools down, we'll check it out. I did find a website for the curriculum used here in Texas. It's a neat study guide site, that has practice written exams. Each time you log in to take the practice exam, it randomizes the questions, so that you don't get the same questions all the time. This site costs about $30, but I think it's very worth it. The written exam is in Tyler, TX; I believe this town is about an hour away. The practical exam is in Dallas, TX; nearly two hours away from where I live.

So, that's the last several weeks in a nutshell.

I will try and update the online blog more often, but I'm not sure who really reads it. My page says I have 3 followers, but does anyone really pay attention to when I updated? No worries; I blog for me.