New Morning, A New Day

Been a few days. Got the job. Orientaion was two days this last week. Start fresh on Monday. I'll have the next two weekends off, but after that working at least one day on the weekend. Did a couple of "music videos" of Bella for him. I hope he likes them. She's in a really cute summery number. Got some professional pictures done of Bella, finally. I love them. He has 81 days until he comes home. He got the packages I sent a couple of weeks ago, so that's good. Hopefully he can make the cigarettes last until the next package. I got two new phones with my first carrier because they can do international calls. It's still going to charge per minute (for example, it's $1.49 to call to and from Singapore. It's twice that for Vietnam. But, at least we can call. There's also text messaging. It's thirty-five cents for him and fifteen cents for me. The phones should be here on Tuesday and his package should go out Wednesday. The Navy fucked

Pictures of Bella. :) Professional ones. =D

Instructions: Write 10 statements, intended to different people.never tell which one is to who things you've always wanted to tell people. (*one or two may not even be on myspace. -Tam) 1. There are times when I love you, but there are times when your actions speak louder than your words and you upset me. I'm afraid to tell you to your face because I'm afraid it will screw with our friendship. 2. It was interesting having my own "puppy dog" for a couple of years. I got a little worried when special permission was given to go to my school. This was the catalyst for the drift in our friendship, which was rocky, at best, in high school. I'm sorry for treating you the way I did. 3. I forgive too easily, sometimes. My folks were mad for a long time; I think they still are. But I forgive you. I forgive you because you helped so many times the last few years when it was really needed. I appreciate that. 4. I still love you, but no longer in love with you. I'm hap

I don't know why but lately I've been thinking about how I lived my life just a few years ago. I was young, stupid and not very safe. After I posted the last time, about the different relationships I had and how unsafe I was with them. I can't tell you how much of the sex was unprotected. I'm lucky to not have anything and not have been a young mother. I wouldn't have been able to deal with it then. And the chances of the guy actually stepping up to the plate to be the unexpected father? HA! Very laughable, of any boyfriend or fling I had. They were all too into what they were doing at the time to play a father. None of them would have taken the responsibility. Granted, Brian was probably one of the more responsible boyfriends I had (Timm's the other one; we didn't even sleep together, which was odd for me then). But even that doesn't mean anything. There are guys out there who are responsible men, but when they find out they've knocked

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I'd had a baby when I was younger and stupid. Who would I rather be the father? I kept having the thoughts earlier this morning; I have no idea what brought them on. I keep wondering which one of my mistakes would have stepped up to the plate of being an unexpected father. My best bet would have been Ryan, my first, but even then, he was too young for that. He was self-centered at that point in his life, having a relationship just to have one.He's someone I can't believe I had tears over. I pulled my hair out over this guy. I can only think of how much worse it woould have been had we not used protection for the week I went to visit him that October. Things could have gone wrong.I don't know why I started thinking about it this morning. I almost think that had that happened to me, Jeffrey would have someone to play with on the weekends we had him. Even then, I'd still want one more with him. Who knows wher

So, I gave her the last $20 I had in my wallet. I'll give her the rest of the $55 when he gets paid. Then, hopefully she won't be on my back at all. Then again, I want to keep things good between us in case I need her help in finding another babysitter for Bella. I have a group inteview set up with Babies R Us on Friday; I'm that desperate for work. I'll work someplace where I won't be getting the $13+/hour I need to live. I filled out online applications for Walmart and Hollywood video. Found out that the friend of mine I thought was going to be able to watch Bella for me, won't be able to because her husband doesn't think I'll pay her enough. If I were to pay what everyone else pays for childcare, I might as well save myself the money and be a SAHM. The best we can do right now for us to stay above water is to give only $150 for two weeks. I wish I could find something that wasn't leaving me broke. He's in the double digits now. I thin

I gave her the $20 in my wallet. She gave me guff about it. I told her it was all I could do and that I was expecting more on this paycheck. I keep hoping more will show up on the next one. In any case, I'm too tired to bitch about it right now. Next entry --- -paying her -Bella's new sleeping habits -tree -father's day pictures

I'm going to try and get some stuff mailed out to him today. When I'm more awake and coherent. I woke up just before 11 this morning. Bella woke up at twenty to two last night crying; we're not sure why. It could have been she was warm (it's beginning to warm up here now), her teeth (so I gave her tylenol) or that she had a bad dream. We brought her downstairs and Dee held her for a bit. We couldn't even get her to smile! Then we switched spots and I was laying on the couch with Bella, rubbing her back. This seemed to help. After about ten minutes (I'm not sure; I didn't have my glasses on) we tried going upstairs and she woke up. Normally when that happens, I can put her right back down and she'll fall asleep. She started crying shortly after I crawled back into bed. So, I brought her into my room and she fell asleep on my chest again. I stayed there until I knew for sure that she was out, then I put her in her crib. She let me sleep in pa

My husband and I starting picking out names before she was ever conceived. our first baby together is a girl (he has a son from a previous marriage) and we called her Belladonna Satine. Both names coincidentally have Nicole Kidman in common. Belladonna is Italian for beautiful woman. It's also an herb that helps with sleeping. If too much is taken, it can be fatal. Nicole Kidman link #1 - Her character in Practical Magic used it on her boyfriend Jimmy. Satine is from one of my favorite movies -- Moulin Rouge. Here is link #2 - Satine is the name of her character. I'm taking the meaning of "sparkling diamond" for this one.As a whole, I say her name means "dangerous beauty." Persephone Rayne - It just rolls off the tongue really well. Persephone was the name of a character I played in an RPG while DH and I were on deployment together. She and his character hooked up in the game. It seemed only fair. Rayne is for BloodRayne, the video game we both lo

Still no word from him yet. One can only assume that he's busy now. I really wanted to talk to him for a bit tonight. *sigh* Oh well. I love you!

It's almost 10pm and no emails from him yet. He could be busy. He was uber busy yesterday and we weren't really able to send emails to one another. It sucked, but life goes on. I interviewed at Lockheed Martin today. I showed up late because I couldn't find the right building. I was too far down on the street. Once I got there, I was sweating bullets; not because I was nervous (I wasn't) but because it was hot as hell outside and I was wearing long sleeves (to hide the tattoo). My face was probably all flushed, too. I talked to the V.P.; the position was for an admin asst for him and the other gentlemen in the office. After being told the hours, I really didn't want the position. The hours vary. I'd much rather have a job where I'm working the same hours every day. This makes it easier on me and whoever I have watching Bella. I know though... well maybe... a friend of mine will be moving out here with her husband in just over a month. She might

Yes, I'm writing again. I just wrote something. I'm writing because I realized something. Well, I've known it for a long time, but wanted to say something about it. I love my husband. Totally, utterly, completely. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I thank the Goddess for sending him my way. I have so many reasons to love him. He loves me unconditionally, without question. No matter what, he'll stand by me. He is my dream come true, everything I could ever want in a life partner, a best friend, a loving adoring husband. I love you.

Motherhood. I abosolutely adore it. I enjoy being able to provide a life for someone, a little someone. For that little someone to depend on me for staying clean, having a full belly and toys to play with. Every night, I wonder and worry about her while she sleeps. She's been asleep for about three hours now and is down for the night. I can't hear a thing over the monitor, but I know she's fine. I'll still check on her when I'm done with this; I think I'll do that for a long time. I'll do it to both, when I have another baby. I love being a mother.

Wow a long time has flown by! Until we start "playing" again, it's just a normal blog, nothing to really post in that part of my life. Baby Belladonna has gotten so big! Her six month appointment is next Monday; she'll be seven months. I waited on getting her pediatrician, so her shots are only a little bit behind. She was over 15 pounds when I took her in the last time. She was five months old. She's doing just so well! She's coming into her own personality. She likes watching the Baby Einstein dvds. She'll sit there and watch one for a couple of hours. She's eating solids now, as well as her formula. She's wearing size 1 diapers still. She's petite. :) She was able to wear a couple bits of her smaller clothes up until recently. I have someone I can give her clothes to, when she gets too big for them. My sister is pregnant. She found out in December. She got pregnant the day she returned home from Japan. :) He thinks it'