Monday, October 31, 2011


The scent of my frustration is a pile of dung that I can't get rid of.  It invades my nose and I can't get rid of it, thus I get frustrated.  Frustration is the smell of "fresh cotton," for the same reason as dung.  Pretty much any scent I dislike it frustration.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

It never fails...

The evening was still crisp.  I stood alone under a maple tree; I could feel the leaves crunching beneath my feet.  The wind was cold yet cleansing.  I stood and stared at her tombstone, unsure what to think.  There were so many things I wanted to say, but those words escaped me.

I was lost.  I didn't know where to go.  I was all alone.


Saturday, October 29, 2011

Age is but a number

I remember when I was in high school, I remembering hearing about ladies counting their age backwards once they reached 30 or just staying 30 for the next 30 years, then becoming 40.  Why not be proud of how old you are?

I don't keep my age a secret.  Then again, I'm 30 and I look like a sophomore in college.. at most.  There are a lot of people I talk to who don't believe that I'm old enough to have an almost five year old child nor do they believe that I've served in the Navy [for four years].  I've been halfway around the world thanks to the Navy.

My secret is that I act how the age I feel.  Some days, my joints make me feel like I'm in my 60s, but my general attitude and personality help to keep me "young."  I take care of my skin and I drink a lot of water.  This keeps my skin youthful and it's a habit I don't plan on dropping any time soon.

My husband also does his part to keep me "young."  There are four years difference between us; he's 34 and I'm 30.  Unless we're talking about music, it's hard to tell that there's an age difference.  We joke around that he's "robbed the cradle," because when he graduated high school, I was just entering high school (my state/school district had 10th grade as the beginning of high school instead of 9th grade like so many other districts/states).

No matter how you look at it, I don't feel "old" at 30.  I don't think I'll feel "old" at any age.

Friday, October 28, 2011

One of Bella's best milestones

For the longest time, Bella had a hard time saying, "girl."  When she'd say it, it would sound like, "gourl."  One random evening, on our way home from an awesome dinner at IHOP, she said, "girl," correctly.  When she realized she said it the right way, she wouldn't stop saying it, lol.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Life changes after high school

I'm definitely nowhere I thought I would be when I graduated high school in 1999.  I'm actually better off than where I thought I'd be.  I thought that I would save up some money and drive up to Oregon, where one of my best friends lives.  I never made that trip.  The choices I made moved me to someplace entirely different than what I originally thought.

I'm 30 years old now.  Since graduating high school, I've attempted college three or four times.  I was part of the Rocky Horror Picture Show in Denver for a time.  I joined the Navy for four years and wound up finding a great guy to spend the rest of my life with; he gave me a daughter, too, which I thought was awesome.  Not only that, but he brought with him a son.  Both kids mean an incredible deal to me. At 30 years old, I didn't know I'd be living in Texas.

Honestly, I wasn't sure WHAT I was going to be doing at this point in my life.  About a third of my life has already been lived.  It seems that it all goes by so fast.  I hope I can live the next two thirds of my life to the fullest and not regret a single thing.

Favorite Family Stuff

We look forward to Saturday night every week.  It's our board game night.  The first few weeks we started this, it was Scrabble.  I play Words with Friends on my phone and Facebook and wasn't doing too well.  In playing Scrabble with my husband and mother-in-law, I was able to better my skills.

We played Trivial Pursuit 90s edition last Saturday.  One game lasted THREE HOURS!  It was awesome.  If I didn't have to get up early for work the next morning, we would have played longer.  =)

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Picture Inspiration

What is this picture?  I'm not sure exactly.  I think it looks like a screen shot from the music video, "Broken," by Seether featuring Amy Lee of Evanescence.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Did I always know I was going to have kids?

Not always.  When I was younger, I thought I was going to end up an old maid with a bunch of cats.  I never in a million years thought I would be married to an amazing guy, much less have a child of my own.  Once we became a couple, an engaged couple, a married couple, I knew we were going to have kids.. at least one.  Now, we have our daughter.  We also have his son, my bonus son, from a previous marriage.

So, technically, I have two kids.  I couldn't have asked for a better pair of kids, either.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Experiencing Loss

It's never easy.  As we get older, our older family members and friends move on to the next phase in their life.  My great uncle passed away when I was 14 years old.  My great=great aunt passed away while I was on deployment less; less than ten years after my great uncle died (both were blood relatives, so not married to each other).

In June 2004, my paternal grandmother passed away.  I took this very, very hard.  I received a call from my mother in Denver (I was living in San Diego) that morning and by that afternoon/evening, I had plane tickets to return home and then fly back east for the funeral.  I was in my dress whites and my former Marine cousin had to do my neckerchief.  I read a copy of a poem I'd written on the plane ride there and slipped it into her casket.

In March 2010, her husband, my Pappy, joined her.  I took this very, very hard, as well.  I left work early that night (I was out of the Navy and working at Walgreens, living in Denver) and by the next afternoon, I had tickets for myself, Patrick, my daughter, Belladonna, and my mother.  My mother hadn't been a part of my dad's family, technically, since 1982, but she adored his parents and wanted to be there for me.

We stayed in Columbus for an entire week.  Mom took off for Cincinnati to visit her sisters while the three of us hung out with my dad, bonus mom, and brother.  The circumstances of my dad meeting my husband were morbid, but I'm glad they finally met.  By the time Patrick met my dad, we'd been married for six years.

I've also experienced loss of furry family members.  Everyone has experienced this, just like losing a people family member.  It hurts.  Every.  Damn.  Time.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

#IWanttobeaWriter #MyAuthorHeros @YasmineGalenorn @LKHamilton @KathyReichs

Sure, there is.  I'd love to be able to bring in the dough so that we can be comfortable.  If I didn't have a problem writing books and stories that people want to read, I'd do that in my spare time (ha!  what's that, again?) and just write books and sell them.  I have plenty of ideas, I think, as well as resources to support what I come up with.  It would, of course, be fiction writing.  I have at least two story ideas floating around in my, seemingly, empty head.  I'm sure if I read enough other genres of books and bring in what I already know, I'd be able to put together an amazing story for others to read and earn money from the books sold.

So, yeah.. I want to have the talent to write 10-15 pages of story each day and find a good publisher, distributor, and so on.  I commend the authors that I follow [on Twitter] for being able to do this.

The Death of Gadhafi

So, I turn on the laptop and go to Facebook this morning and see that and the Coffee Party shared a link that Gadhafi is dead.  He was a tyrant in Libya since 1969 and died today.  The people of Libya are celebrating.  After looking back on what he did for the country (or rather, for himself), who can really blame them?  Below is a link from about his death.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Reasons to break off a wedding

Different reasons to break off a wedding include:

It's just not working out
The bride/groom slept with the best man/maid of honor or someone
Turns out that one of them prefers the same/different gender

I've never run into this, so I'm not sure what else would be a good reason.

Renewing lost friendships

Thanks to Facebook, this has happened to me several times over.  I've found friends that I haven't talked to since 1998 and it's been great reconnecting with them.  With some, it's like almost 15 years haven't gone by.  I miss those friends a lot and wish that we were all closer to each other again.  I have this weird idea in my head that we should have a sleepover like we did "back in the day" and kind of relive those memories.  I'm hoping to see one friend again in the next couple of years.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

I am woman, hear me roar!

So often I heard women shouldn't be in the military.  So what?  Here's what I think:  Would you rather have someone who can stand hours upon hours of pain for the good of new life or someone who cries at the smallest water cramp?  ;)

My mother was in the service, my sister was in the service, and I was in the service.  We're all proud of what we've done for our country.  One of us worked with planes, one of us worked with missile guidance systems for the Tomahawk missiles, and one of us worked [alongside] engineers.

I am woman, hear me roar!

Friday, October 14, 2011

What I hold dear..

Something I have that I hold very dear that others may not care about are my journals.  I've been writing in them since I was 12 years old and I'm 30 now.  Those journals remind me of how I was growing up, memories that I'd forgotten about.  I would lose a part of myself if I lost those.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

My dad always...

This one has me stumped.  I only recently got in touch with my real dad.  ("Recently" means that last ten years.)  I've only seen him twice in the last five years.  He's in Columbus, Ohio and we're west of him.  We don't talk on the phone often; we should.  We text and email more often than we phone each other.

What I do know is that I love him so much.  I wish we were able to spend more time together when I was growing up.  The guy my mother married when I was still a baby is a grade-A asshole and I want nothing to do with him.  I haven't called him "dad" in about ten years.  I love my real dad.  It sucks that I can't see him more often.

Monday, October 10, 2011

It's Kismet

When two rivers meet, it's like the joining of hands.. the joining of hearts.  It's a natural hand-fasting, no ritual needed.  It.  Just.  Is.

Sunday, October 09, 2011

Rosemary, Arnica, Dogwood Bark

The Healer sent me into the woods today.  She needed her herbs replenished and I offered to go.  Now that I'm here, I don't think I'll make it back.  I feel like I'm stuck in these woods now, waiting to become a part of it.  I can feel my feet, bare skin, sinking into the ground and standing firm.  My arms are stretching out toward the trees and my eyes are affixed on the sky above me.  The sky seems to be getting closer, my limbs now seeming stiff.  Instead of looking around me, I explore with the sensations my body is going through with my senses.  It seems as though I'm becoming one with them.

I knew I was different from the others.  I felt closer with nature than my friends ever did.  It seems that the Healer knew this, too.  She told me when I was younger that I was/am a Dryad.  I didn't believe her.  I guess, now I do.

Saturday, October 08, 2011

My characters thus far

Isis-  Isis is a character I created for an RPG called EarthDawn.  I played this game with a couple of my friends and made new friends in the process.  She's an Elf with onyx skin (just as shiny, too), silver eyes, and her hair was blue and purple.  She was tall, thin, and cold as ice.  She was an Elemental mage.  She's one of my favorite character creations.  I sometimes play her when I'm back in town with those friends.

Jayde Azure - She's one of my characters from ShadowRun.  It's a combination cyber punk/fantasy RPG.  This is another mage, with some cyberware.  She doesn't have much, though; if she did, her magic wouldn't work anymore.  Her father is CEO of Aztechnology in South America.  She decided to go out into the world to see what she could do.  Daddy didn't like it and now she has to keep an eye out for his henchmen whenever she has a Run.

Ezraiya Dune-  Ezraiya "Ezzy" Dune was created for another RPG (role playing game).  This game was created while I was deployed and it was diceless (most RPGs are not).  We created the game on the fly and even tried to produce and market it.  It didn't happen; apparently there was another game out there with the exact same plot AND name.  Ezraiya was the person I wanted to be at the time.  She was strong, confident, lovely.  She could "manifest" anything.  Her favorite item was a danish to throw at her idiot partner in crime, Auzzie.  I met my husband before I started this game.  His character and mine actually hooked up; I think that happened before he and I became a couple.

Claire-  Claire Soren is a character I created for a book/novel that I'm writing.  I've been trying to write this damn thing for a long time.  Well, not a long time, but before my husband and I were married.  She's a single woman in her late 20s (early 30s?) who's been burned by the men she loves.  She ends up alone by the end of the story (I've already written the Epilogue).  She's also a very strong character but she has her own flaws. I see myself in her a lot, but hey, who doesn't see themselves in a character they've created?

I have several more characters from that story, but I don't want to share all of it.  If I did, where would the story be?

Thursday, October 06, 2011

A TV show...

If my family were a reality tv show, which one would it be?

That's hard to say.  My life is pretty dull compared to some.  We (hubby and I) go to work, we come home, we eat dinner.  I go to class and he does his online classes.  Our daughter still gets up around the same time every day, she has a bowl of cereal or oatmeal (two packages), watches cartoons (hub, Cartoon Network, PBS Kids) until hubby gets home.  Hubby and I stay up late doing homework or just hanging out in our bedroom watching television until the sleep timer goes off.  The next morning, it all starts again.

Like I said, pretty dull.

However, my husband is able to make anything fun and interesting.  He's able to keep my attention and keep me laughing.  When it comes to him, my life is never dull.

My daughter also makes me laugh.  Whether it's how she's falls asleep or telling me what she learned on Sid the Science Kid ("Did you hear the one about the kid who wanted to know everything about everything?").

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

I colored my hair

I had a coupon for Clairol Nice and Easy hair color and bought a pretty strawberry blonde color.  I did it yesterday and it turned out really nice.  After my hair dried, I noticed that I missed a spot, but it's hardly noticeable.  I already had similar tones in my hair so it seemed a natural choice.

Patrick didn't notice it at first.  My hair was pulled back; doing this makes it hard to see any change in color.  He'd also been at work all day and was focusing on his homework. I wasn't worried that he didn't see it.  He had other things on his mind.  I fixed this later.

I love the color and I think it suits me very well.

What makes me feel safe

When my husband holds me tight and tells me that everything will be okay is when I feel safe.  So long as he's there, everything is fine.

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

Funny family stories

There are many stories on both mine and my husband's side of the family.  He's told me a few funny stories when he and his ex-wife were together.  There are a couple from our life together so far.  I'm actually really bad about pulling some memories out, so this isn't going to be the best response to an inspired prompt.

The last time I cried

The last time I cried.. I don't remember.  More than likely, it was from watching a sappy movie.  I know a cry is good for you every now and again.


Sunday, October 02, 2011

A first date worth remembering

I don't remember the first date I ever had.  I do however remember the first day of the rest of my life.  Yeah, I know, it sounds uber cheesy, but it's the truth.

The first date my husband and I ever had happened to be in Hawai'i.  We were both stationed on the same ship at the time and on a Western Pacific deployment (WestPac).  We were on our way home from this deployment and we moored to the pier just outside of Waikiki.  I'd made reservations (using a voucher from the Fun Boss on the ship) at a tourist spot hotel.  There was a Denny's across the street where we ate lunch after checking in.  It was pouring down rain almost the entire time we were there.

We went to dinner that night at a Chinese restaurant.  The place was practically empty.  Unfortunately, he got really sick and my poor love spent the evening in the head or trying to lay comfortably on the bed (come to think of it, I think it was the same room my friend and I stayed in on our way out on our deployment; they just put the beds together for my love and me).

I bought clothes that didn't fit me, but I thought they would eventually.  They never did.  The only clothes from that time that I still have is a dark blue Waikiki t-shirt with a gecko on it and some spilled water-based white paint on it.

My one regret is that we didn't go to the Arizona Memorial.  I will make it there one day and pay my respects to those Sailors who've gone before me.

Like I said, I may not remember my first date ever, but I remember one of the best dates with my best friend.

Later, our dates would normally include a movie or two.  On our way home from these movies, we'd discuss what happened and have really good conversation.  The longer the drive home, the better the conversation.  We miss those days.

Hey, love--  if you can, feel free to comment if I left out anything (that isn't censored for this blog).