Emotional Rollercoaster

I'm feeling strange this time of year.  I wouldn't say we're broke, but our holidays seem bleak this year.  I said that before, somewhere, and I still think it.  If I still had a job, it wouldn't be as bad.  It'll be an okay year for Bella and her gifts.  My mom gave her a bunch of books (they look kind of cheesy) that remind me of tourist stops.

The previous post I made was originally placed in one of my mom groups.  Someone took it upon themselves to help.  I was very touched by this thought.  I was informed by an anonymous message that something from Amazon would be arriving for Bella this week.  This message choked me up a little bit.

Tonight, we found the Amazon parcel on our porch.  Inside was an awesome Play-Doh set and four 12-piece wooden puzzles.  I made tonight gift wrapping night and was able to wrap them with everything else.  When I started wrapping them, I almost started crying.  Hell, I'm close to crying as I type.

I'm not really sure where to go from here.  I guess part of it is that I miss the great Christmas's my sister and I had as kids.  There were always plenty of gifts beneath the tree, and they weren't all books.  Don't get me wrong, I love books, but... kids don't always want books for the holidays or birthdays.  The big thing she wants this year are Zoobles.

I feel like an emotional mess.  Things that shouldn't make one weepy, get me choked up.  My sleep schedule is off.  I got to bed after 2am last night and didn't get out of bed until almost 1pm.  Bella was fed and playing and everything, but I couldn't stay awake.  Sometimes (a lot of the time) I find myself zoning out, my eyes glazing over.  This happens when I'm at the table eating dinner with my family, when I'm driving, when I'm lounging, grocery shopping.  It happens frequently.

I'm not pregnant; that's normally the first thing people think of when presented with these symptoms.

The best thing I can think of is depression.  In my case, I think my depression is caused by stress.  My stress is caused by my lack of a job.  It seems like I may not be good enough for any of the jobs here.  I have the experience, I have the know-how, I KNOW I can do every job that I've applied for in the last several months.  No one has called!  I keep making follow-up calls from online applications that I've filled out.

At this point, I'm not sure what else I can do.  One can only comb the internet for so long before one loses the determination.  I know I need to find a job, but when no one calls back, it's disheartening.  I really don't know what else to do at this point.

Comments

  1. I wish I had some great advice for you. I wish I had a job to offer you. IS Mandy still offering a job? I know you just moved, so that really isn't an option. Have you considered going the route that AM is going to help with the depression. I know a job would be a big boost, but what do you do in the mean time? I give you big hugs. You can talk to me anytime sweety.

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  2. I can only hope that Pat's new insurance through work (starts in March 2011) covers mental health.

    In the meantime, I sit on my ass in front of the computer. I cruise CafeMom and Facebook. I moderate a CM-run group and get a $25 gift card for it; however, it only lasts for three months and those cards go straight to my bonus son.

    I check the Work in Texas website once a week (when it's updated) and I email the staffing place in town every Monday, letting them know I'm available for work.

    Until the insurance starts, I don't even know what to do. To make matters worse, the hospital bill showed up today. Just to wait in the ER, it was $435!! There was another $7 for the steri-strips, stuff to clean the wound, and stuff to glue the skin back together. If I knew that's all that needed to be done, I would have gone to Walgreens and bought betadine (?), paper tape, and Second Skin. It's due December 30th. Where in the hell is that money going to come from??

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  3. Tam, this is Jill. I can't log in. grr
    You don't have to pay that bill all at once, you can set up a payment plan, work with them and explain your job situation and offer them $10 a month, and then pay it off when you do find a job. No matter what they say, they CAN do this.

    Hugs, honey.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks, Jill. I received a letter in the mail from someone called MCR, Inc and apparently they can help with coverage. Thing is, every time I've called them since I received the letter (four times since last Thursday), I get their damn machine. They called yesterday morning, but I missed the call and they left a message for me on our machine.

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