So Fearful

Now I know being a new mom, almost everything would seem to be blown out of proportion when it comes to your first child. I'd like to think I'm not one of those parents and that I'm realistic. Here's what got me thinking about it.

Yesterday, I picked up Belladonna early from the sitter. She had thrown up during her nap and wasn't going back down. She would also be fine one minute, crying the next. I noticed a runny nose dropping her off that morning; she was licking the snot from her upper lip! Ewww.. gross!

Anyway, I figured she just has a cold, so after getting home, gave her some Tylenol, a bottle and put her down to finish her nap (slept for about an hour and a half). The whole time she slept, I kept wondering, "Is she okay?" I wasn't going to take her to the hospital unless there was a temperature; the sitter did that and said there was none.

I was checking on Bella more often than normal yesterday. With it being cold season and nearing the end of the possibility of SIDS (I think; I could very well be wrong with that information), I was just paranoid as hell with her sleeping. I know she needed her rest, but I couldn't help it.
She's my world; I'd die if something happened to her. I don't even know if I'd be up for trying for another baby if something happened to her. I give props to those who have lost and have tried again for another. You are very strong women. I'm strong, but not that strong. I'd break down and not come back up, no matter how much my husband helped me. Devastation and sorrow; it's a long road back to a happy, cheerful world from there.

Bella's fine. Just a cold; nothing Tylenol and Vicks Baby Rub won't help. :) She's a bit more cuddly and willing to sit in your lap; at least, she was with me yesterday. I really like that. I love it when she's just sitting in my lap, playing with whichever toy she's got in her hand. Her giggle, the way her eyes light up when she smiles.. melt my heart. I can't imagine my life without her..

..so I won't.

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